


More Than Okay

by Sahara_Rose_234



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Cute, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oneshot, POV Dan Howell, Phan - Freeform, Sad!Dan, based on a radio show moment, good ending, kiss, with or without you (U2)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 09:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15385365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sahara_Rose_234/pseuds/Sahara_Rose_234
Summary: Phil is away in Florida and Dan wrestles with his feelings for his friend.





	More Than Okay

After a long day at the radio show, Dan finally came back to the apartment. He tossed his keys onto the breakfast bar and then headed to his room. God, it was so quiet around here without Phil, who had gone on holiday to Florida. Dan put on his comfiest jumper, grabbed his laptop, and buried himself under the covers (despite it being only 3 pm) to hide from his problems by browsing Tumblr for hours on end. When he opened the screen, the first image he saw was some phanart where they were just lying on the bed together, and of course Phil was being all adorable. It sent a stab of pain through Dan’s chest. Why was he feeling this way? He hated it. He felt like he couldn’t even go a few days without Phil and it was killing him. The feelings had started not that long ago, and for a while, Dan was just in denial; ignoring it as much as he could. But today, at the radio show, it really hit him hard and he wasn’t ready to accept it. They had been able to call Phil in on the show and obviously he was being all cute and stuff talking about how he got attacked by a squirrel, so that made Dan miss him even more. So then Phil requested a song and Dan said, "so is there anyone you want to dedicate this song to, Phil?" (obviously hinting at himself) and Phil goes "yeah maybe the squirrel…" Over the phone, Dan sounded fine, but on camera it completely shows the disappointment on his face. That really just made his heart hurt even more than it already did, and all he wanted to do was just go home and lie in bed.

The edits, phanart, and phanfiction, were basically all he was tagged in and on hour two of his browsing, he was almost completely falling apart. Suddenly, he closed his laptop shut because he knew that he was just egging on the sad feelings. He started to head towards the bathroom but unfortunately, he was faced with a decision. He could continue wallowing in self-despair over what he can’t have, or he could be left alone with his thoughts in the shower, risking falling into an existential crisis, questioning his life choices, and possibly facing the truth about his feelings. For some insane reason, his legs just carried him to the shower.

The hot water was almost burning his skin, but Dan could barely feel it. He used a load more body wash than he needed to (as usual) and closed his eyes as the sweet smell engulfed his senses. The hot water, steam, lack of sleep, and heartache, led to his brain becoming fuzzy and his thoughts just drifting to wherever they wanted to go.

Of course, his mind immediately took him to Phil. What it would feel like to run his hands through Phil’s silken raven hair, and what it would be like to get lost forever in those cyan eyes. Dan just wanted to explore and touch every part of his body, get taken by those pillowy lips, and —

His eyes snapped open as he let out a small whimper of despair. No, no, no! Why was he doing this to himself? It’s just, everything was so goddamn perfect about him. He’s so caring, and sweet, and innocent, and — "AGH!" Dan shouted as he slammed a fist against the shower wall — he didn’t realize how much he needed Phil in his life. _Oh my god,_ he thought, _I really do need him._ All this time he’d been saying to himself that he had to tell Phil how he felt at some point, but he didn’t think about what it would do to their friendship. Sure, they’d still be close, but would it ever be the same? _I can’t afford to lose him._ A final stab of pain went through Dan, as he stopped denying the fact that, well, he was in love with his best friend, and he had been for a very long time. He leaned against the tile wall and slid down it, the realization sinking in at last.

As all these thoughts kept rushing through his head, the water continued to pound down on his body, getting colder and colder. Finally, still lost in thought, Dan stepped out of the shower and put on a towel. Okay, you know what? Maybe some music would help him clear his mind so that he could take a break from all this. So he walked into his room once more, and asked Siri to play him a random song from his playlist.

Even at the first few plucks of the guitar strings, Dan immediately knew what song it was and the feelings came back and hit him like a freight train.

"FUCK!" He screamed and covered his face with his hands.

The song was _With or Without You._ Because OF COURSE it was. It perfectly matched his situation. _I need Phil in my life,_ he thought again, _I can’t live without him, but never telling him how I feel is eating me alive and I don’t think I can handle it anymore._ His sobs echoed throughout the flat and, shuddering, he collapsed on his bed.

"No, no, NO! I can’t fucking do this anymore," he yelled out between sobs, as he just sat there, head in his hands, listening to the song.

"I can’t live, with or without you," sang the last words of the song.

Dan was still there, tear-stained, and sat on the edge of the bed staring into space.

About an hour later, Dan heard a lock click and a door open. He stood bolt upright, causing the blood to rush to his head and for him to sway a little. When he finally came to his senses, Dan froze, waiting for the next sound. A familiar voice greeted him from downstairs.

"Dan?"

"Phil…?" Dan said in amazement as he quickly wiped tears off his face. He ran out to the stairs.

"Surprise!!" Phil exclaimed.

"Jesus christ Phil, you scared the hell out of me," he said with a little laugh, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, I told you that I was going on holiday longer than I was because I wanted to come home early and surprise you. Surprise! I just didn’t want you to be alone like a hermit crab for a week."

"Phil. Really, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You really didn’t have to."

He leaned forward and gave Phil a hug. Dan was suddenly very aware that he was only wearing a towel and the feeling of Phil’s hands on his bare skin was driving him crazy. He nuzzled his head into Phil’s neck and breathed in the familiar scent. To be honest, both of them lingered a little to long, but neither wanted to acknowledge it.

Dan accidentally let out a little sniffle and felt instant regret.

"Dan? What’s wrong?"

_Shit._ Well it was now or never.

"God, okay, um, I need to tell you something. And, well, I wasn’t going to, but now I feel like I have to, and I’m scared," he said rather quickly, only stopping to breathe at the end of his sentence. He sat down on the nearest chair.

Phil had a concerned expression on his face as he put a hand on Dan’s shoulder.

"Dan, whatever it is, you can tell me," he said with a smile, "but if you don’t want to, that’s okay too."

The warmth of Phil’s touch was all that was able to motivate him to say his next sentence. He covered his face with his hands and said, "I think — jesus, Phil — " he sighed, "I think I’m falling in love with you."

To his surprise, he felt Phil’s hands gripping his and pulling them away from his face. The piercing blue and green of his eyes staring into his, simply made Dan melt even more. Phil intertwined their hands together and said, "I’m really, really, glad you said that because I, well," he inhaled and looked down, "I’ve been having feelings for you too and I wasn’t sure how to —" but before he could finish his sentence Dan had brought him into a deep and urgent kiss; almost as if that was the last one they would ever have. Phil let his hands travel down Dan’s bare back adding more pressure as he went. Dan wrapped his hands around Phil’s neck letting his hands run through his jet-black hair.

When he pulled away, Dan bit his lip and asked, "was that okay?"

"More than okay," Phil said as he kissed Dan again.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! hope you enjoyed this fic! this is based off a cute radio show clip I saw and that's what kind of inspired this story (also my favorite song haha). Phanfic is really fun to write but I don't really have that many ideas so if you have an idea feel free to comment one and I'll try to write it!


End file.
